ANYA: Oh sure, there's nothing a gal loves more than obsessive unrequited attention. It shows how committed you are (and hopefully you WILL be committed - to a psych hospital). Ummm... for you Americans, that was sarcasm. Actually, if you have stalking tendancies, let me suggest another approach - "hard to get". Trust me, it'll work a lot better on the Object of your Affection. It will require even more commitment, but I promise you it's far more effective. Give it time to work... say a decade or two of no contact at all... she may even stop renewing the Restraining Orders, and given enough time, she'll be agreeing to a date. Oila!

BRONTE: NO!!! Obsessive, intrusive and unequivocally creepy behaviour such as stalking is never flattering or romantic and will not MAKE anyone fall in love with you EVER - if that's where you're at, get help NOW!

DISCO: Stalking is tres' uncool and if you try it on I'll be trying to find your S-spot! Stalking classes the babe as a possession and we UBERMOLES are nobody's OBJECT of desire. We are just plain babes.

FRANCOISE: I hate to disagree, but it has always worked for me. That's how I met, romanced and married my first four husbands.... Why do you think they call me the Femme Fatale? Working on #5... Any takers?

kat@retrokat.com