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I have a problem, I always seem to end up with girls that want to get married. What I want is someone who is not interested in being attached. How do I pick them. Any advice would be appreciated. Lustfully yours, KUBCAT

ANYA: All I can suggest is to be honest & open about your intentions and try to convince the other party to do the same, until you find a girl who likes you enough to have sex with you, but doesn't like you enough to want you to be a part of their life. But I don't like your chances of it lasting very long.

As someone who certainly doesn't want to get married (again), I would like to believe in the ongoing meaningless fling, that mythical "friends who fuck" relationship. I've tried it a few times, though, and have become convinced that it just doesn't work. Maybe men can totally divorce their emotions from their sexuality, although I doubt it. And certainly there are even fewer women who would claim to be able to do so. If I'm shagging someone, within a few weeks, you get involved in each others lives. You start to care about each other. If you don't, then after a while it gets a bit insulting. Especially when others come into the equation - I'm not the jealous type, but if someone I'm shagging wants to shag someone else, then it's goodbye from me. Being someone's back-up fuck just isn't good for one's self esteem.

My personal solution, therefore, is to just have short-term flings. Very easy when I'm traveling, since I'll probably never see them again. My limit's usually about two weeks, before it starts to get complicated. And they always know that I don't "do" relationships - I would never mislead anyone. But avoiding commitment is difficult, because I think it's perfectly natural for mature adults to want to be in a relationship and care about the person they're fucking.

But maybe that's just me. I don't pretend to speak for anyone else & maybe there are women out there who can maintain a detached relationship. If there are, I'm guessing that AFF (see below) would be the right kind of place to look. Good luck.

Oh, and an afterthought.... hookers may be an option if you can afford it *lol*. At least they have a lot of professional experience in maintaining emotional distance. Or develop a taste for guys and hang out at Bath-houses where you don't even ask anyone's name.

FRANCOISE: I agree that you have to be upfront and let the person know you only want a casual relationship. Before I met my SO, I dated numerous men casually, and we all knew that it would never go further than that. But, I think it may be much easier for a girl to find a casual relationship than for a guy, because most guys enjoy the freedom of that, while girls usually develop an attachment. It depends in what stage a person is going through I guess. Good luck!


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