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Can you give me the low down on sex-toys. My partners and I are new to the eclectic electric, so some advice on what is good and gooder would be nice. Billy Budd

ANYA: Sex toys are nothing new. Check out the Antique Vibrator Museum at Good Vibrations for evidence of how how electricity was harnessed in it's earliest days for the important task of mutual sexual pleasure - although some of those things look downright scary.

For a casual shag I prefer au naturel, but a long-term relationship is a totally different kettle of fish. Play is essential to maintaining that *spark* over many years. I know we've said it over and over, but communication is the key to fabulous sex - and the issue of bedroom props should be approached in the same way as any other sexual likes & dislikes. Hint, suggest, buy & try... what's good is going to depend on what you and your partner like the feel of. But I'd encourage as much experimentation as you feel comfortable with, and I think just about any gal likes a bit of a buzz. You can even get tasteful vibrators that look more like miniature Ikea furniture than sex toys but work just fine - Natural Contours "Superbe" was an excellent one sent for testing from the wonderful Toys in Babeland, or if you're willing to invest in one of the best, check out Koi (see below).

Oh, and thank you to the visitor who suggested that we 11 1/2" Fashion Dolls (no trade-names here) can be used as sex toys ourselves. Nice to hear.

DISCO: Apart from the forementioned feather duster, who can beat the gut crunching rumblings from a volume-enhanced bass bin? Sonic vibrations toy with me almost daily..

FRANCOISE: Well, speaking for my little action-heroine here (let's call her Super Quiver), a girl can always use a little friend... sitting on the park bench, at the beach, a night out at the movies, watching the TV, cooking supper, eating supper, on the internet, reading my email-- Oh! Quiver! Quiver! Don't stop now!... Damn. I think I broke her! And they said she was the Super-Model-Action-heroine! One piece of advice. Try before you buy.

UBERMALE: The dawn of the 21st century has brought with it unforseen possibilities for sexual experimentation. These days, anonymous cybersex, virtual reality and internet "chat" (eg "sex") groups all take their place beside the more "conventional" toys such as your bog-standard dildoes, whips, butt plugs, blenders, slinkys etc etc. But, for me, where things get really interesting is in the field of surgical enhancement. My advice is to save up a whole lot of money, take yourself and your partner down to the local Biomechanics Clinic and invest in a couple of new bionic attachments. The only limit is your imagination. Several new orifices? Why not! Vacuum attachment? Can do! Propellors and fins? Have 'em whipped up in a jiffy! Why delay? Mutate today!

kat@retrokat.com

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