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I was wondering is it crazy or strange to have a relationship that is based purely on phone sex. What I mean is phone sex bad, unhealthy for you emotionally?

You have phone sex with this person and never meet them (each of you do know what the other looks like), yet you love the way they sound and how arouse you. How long should one of these relationships go on before you decide to meet or just let it go? How often is too often to have phone sex with this person, weekly, biweekly? Just wondering what you feelings are on this.

Thanks for you perspective. Tiffany

ANYA: Hmm, phone sex. I don't think it's BAD in any way, but I think that there are definite emotional risks if you don't know the person in real life first.

I think that getting to know someone either online or over the phone before you meet them in real life subverts the normal process of familiarisation. You can be far more open with someone you don't really know, because it's easy to back out of the 'relationship' if things go awry. Because of this, you might let your defences down a lot more quickly that you usually would IRL (in real life). This can leave you very vulnerable if you decide to move the relationship from the largely fantasy-based realm of phone-sex/ net-sex to the real world. After all, you've made a certain level of emotional commitment before you even really have any idea if you'll be attracted to each other (I don't think you can tell if you'll be physically attracted to someone from photos alone). That's a pretty big gamble, and the more you've got to know them in the 'fantasy' world, the higher the stakes. My advice, then, is to meet someone as soon as possible, before you get too emotionally involved. Otherwise, I think you're riding for a fall.

As for just keeping it in the realm of fantasy, if you can keep it from infringing on your real life and never intend to meet the person, then good luck to you! And how often is too often? Hey, if you can afford the phone bill, I think a daily dose of sex fantasy is just fine. But can you really keep from getting emotionally involved, when you're that intimate with someone on an ongoing basis? I know I couldn't.

DISCO: Well Disco wouldn't call it a "relationship", but you certainly have something going on there! I wouldn't say it was a BAD thing, especially with the power to hang up, or pick up call-waiting. But remember,it is a fantasy and if you want it to stay that way keep him on the line not in the bed.

FRANCOISE: I don't think phone sex is unhealthy... Like every fantasy it offers a chance to unleash the imagination and let out your wild side for a while.

Phone sex, being somewhat anonymous allows you to break away from your traditional roles as mother/father/housewife/husband/student, whatever, and allows you to explore your deepest desires, become who you'd like to be for a while. The only thing one has to be careful of, is like most fantasies, we still have to keep one foot in reality. Once these relationships cross over from play fantasy to reality, one has to be cautious just like in every relationship. Because of the anonymous nature of phone and cyber sex, one has to be even more cautious before committing to a relationship, and going to meet someone they think they might know but really don't. But, essentially it is up to the individual whether they are willing to take the step from a phone to a real relationship. Like every relationship it could be wonderful, or terrible.

UBERMALE: We Ubermoles & males dig the crazy and strange so I am ignoring the first part of your question. And who is to say what is unhealthy, bad or just plain nuts? Not me, baby. I say start pushing those buttons or cranking that dial. Dig the dial tone and let your fingers do the walking!

And, when you're sick of having phone sex with live people, you may enjoy it with John Lennon! Visit the John Lennon Artificial Intelligence Project at www.triumphpc.com/john-lennon and ask him to "Please Please Me"!


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